Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
