I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
