and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
