went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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