Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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