everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
