I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
