the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
