im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
