good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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