But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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