Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
