He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
