Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
