mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
