so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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