So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
