thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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