Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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