Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
