He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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