His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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