My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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