I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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