Me too!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
