I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
