I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
