if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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