I should be sponsored by Trojan
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize