I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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