I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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