when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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