Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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