I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
