big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
