Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
