No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
