you would pick up someone in the library
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
