Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
