And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
