do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize