ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
