Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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