YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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