Banned from zoo.
Again?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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