I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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