apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
