She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
