You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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