They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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