Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
