i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
