i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
