hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
