wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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