Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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