She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
