Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Semen is not good for contacts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
