new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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