Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
